Matt Yglesias at Think Progress reminds us that, had Al Gore prevailed in 2000, most of the people who currently support Barack Obama for President might instead be supporting Joe Lieberman.

I guess we really were in a lose-lose back then.

Tonight is not a great night to be in my apartment, for the following two reasons:

1. My cleaning lady must have smoked half a pack of cigarettes in here this afternoon.
2. When I tried to air the place out, I was greeted with a warm breeze that smelled like onions. It’s like there’s an invisible giant breathing right into the open window - and this invisible giant needs a mint or a piece of gum in the worst way.

I sure hope things improve in this place by morning, smell-wise.

The other day, I struck up a conversation with a girl, and, after she asked me to tell her something in English, attempted to teach her how to say “Hi”.

“Hi es ‘hola’ en inglés”. I wrote it down.

“Eee?”

No, “Hi”!

This went on for like ten minutes. I left believing she would never speak a single word of English.

Today, I saw her again, and, to my shock, the first thing she said was “Hi, Matt”. She said it in a smooth, confident voice, without a hint of an accent. She sounded like a reporter for CNN. Her pronunciation was so startlingly flawless that I thought she must’ve been messing with me when I first met her.

Recognizing I’d been had, I sort of grinned and said, “Hey, what’s going on?”

“No entiendo nada.”

Which just goes to show that it’s never a good idea to jump to conclusions too quickly.

Speaking of brilliant.

Everyone should watch Mad Men (AMC, Sunday nights), because it is the best show on television.

You’ve got to listen to me – I’ve seen this happen before. Arrested Development, 2003 – 2005. R.I.P. The best comedy in TV history, canceled! Come on! It didn’t even last for three seasons, because no one watched it – none of you listened to me. Now you acknowledge how brilliant it was, but now you’re stuck watching the same 30 or so episodes over and over, imagining how glorious it would have become, if only you were there when it needed you. (Although it looks like Fox is adapting it into a movie, so you’re somewhat off the hook for that one.)

But let’s be honest – who watches TV anymore? Almost no one. I’ve been in Buenos Aires for four months, and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve turned on my TV (and two of those were because I accidentally sat on the remote). When I was home in the States, the screen didn’t light up much more often.

You know why?

Because most TV sucks. Predictable plotlines, timid characterization, forgettable jokes – all meant to keep you entertained just well enough so you’ll stay in your seat just long enough for advertisers to remind you to buy Tide, a Sprite, a Toyota, Lunesta, or whatever. Most people are too busy to put up with that. If you’re gonna put your own life on pause to watch a pretend version of someone else’s life, then the experience had better be spectacular.

Mad Men’s is.

Ironically, it’s a drama about Madison Avenue advertising execs in 1960 (a group that played no small role in bringing about the current mediocre state of television). But it’s also about the world before people had any idea what was healthy and what was deadly. It’s about Don Draper, the coolest guy alive. It’s about what it what it was like to be a woman before the women’s movement. It’s about what it’s like to be married to a person who’s wrong for you. It’s about what it’s like to lie to everyone around you.

I’m not even doing it justice - it’s awesome, and I recommend you start it from the beginning.

The best guacamole in the world was created by Chef Scott Linquist at New York’s Dos Caminos. The rest of the food there is pretty fantastic, too, in my opinion. There are locations at 50th & 3rd, at Park between 26th & 27th, and at West Broadway & Houston.

You can find the recipe for the guacamole here, at Elizabeth Laney’s blog.

You can also find it at a bunch of other places by doing a Google search for it, but I’m linking to her blog because when I did the search, I not only found the guacamole recipe, but also her recipe for Gruyere Baked Grits, which looks tremendous, and which I plan to try this week.

This recipe is my own invention. I made it this morning for the first time in a while, and it was great. (The vegetarian initiative continues to evolve.)

You’ll need:

- 3 eggs
- 1 small tomato, cored, seeded, and chopped
- 1 garlic clove, finely chopped
- Some shredded mozzarella cheese
- Non-stick cooking spray (or butter, if cholesterol is not a concern)
- A little salt
- A little pepper
- A small bowl
- A fork
- A frying pan
- A spatula
- A plate

Here’s what you do:

In the small bowl, lightly beat the eggs with a fork for a few seconds. Mix in the tomato, garlic, and mozzarella. Cover the frying pan with cooking spray, and turn the burner on medium-high heat. Let the pan heat up for like 20-30 seconds. Pour the contents of the small bowl into the frying pan, and, using the spatula, push them back and forth in the pan until the eggs are done to your liking. Dump the eggs onto a plate, and season with salt and pepper, if seasoning with salt and pepper is your thing.

I know for a fact that most people have a certain collection of songs kickin’ around their computer, closet, or whatever. The songs are around, you bought them or downloaded them - you did, whether you admit or not - and, although you like them, you kind of hope that no one knows you have them, and you hope they don’t get played in certain, public situations.

This is my list of those kinds of songs:

(By the way, I’ve never played them all at once, which counts for something.)

“We Built This City” by Starship.
True story: A few years ago, I heard this song on the radio for the first time in a long time, and thought “Oh, I love this song!” Turns out the radio station was only playing it because Blender magazine named it “the #1 Most Awesomely Bad Song Ever”. I continue to disagree.

“Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey.
“Hold on to that feeeeeelin!” You know what’s awesome? When you’re at a party, the music suddenly stops, and you’re only on about the fourth “e” in “feeeeeelin’”. And you’re the only one singing.

“Oh l’Amour” by Erasure.
Try not to play this in front of that girl who obviously has a crush on your married friend, especially if she’s drunk enough to literally drool a little tipsy. Unless you like excruciatingly awkward situations. In that case, by all means, play this song and turn up the volume.

“Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me)” by Erasure.
Also, try not to follow up “Oh l’Amour” with this song. Not an easy one to dance to. It can inspire dancing that is a combination of stripper, psychopath, and taser victim.

“Dragostea Din Tei” by O-ZONE.
This one falls into the be-careful-when-you-sing-along-to-it category, as well. Don’t do the exaggerated facial expressions, either. You just can’t count on everyone you’re with having seen one of the most popular viral videos in the history of the Internet:

But you know what? Even without the fat guy, it’s a catchy tune. I really think so. T.I. and Rihanna seem to agree.

“Breaking the Law” by Judas Priest.
Good idea to turn this one down while a cop is writing you a speeding ticket. Even better idea to make sure some idiot who you don’t really know isn’t in the car, staring down the cop, singing along with a defiant anger that he should’ve outgrown by the time he was 17.

“I Want to Break Free” by Queen.
This song has actually never embarrassed me. I like the song. Can’t say either of those things about the video:

“Somebody to Love” by Queen.
Queen doesn’t get the respect they deserve. Most people’s reactions to this song have made this fact crystal clear to me.

“Second Chance” by .38 Special.
The sentimental melody complements a touching plea for forgiveness from an unfaithful boyfriend. Actual lyrics from the song: “I never loved her, I never needed her. She was willing, and that’s all there is to say.”

“I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues” by Elton John.
Car full of guys + Elton John = 100% chance of homophobic remarks thrown your way, and a 20% chance of being called “Elton”. For the rest of your life.

“Africa” by Toto.
This is a song that I’m convinced everyone in the world secretly loves. And yet, it seems everyone’s too cool to admit it, and too cool to resist asking, “What is this shit?”

“Gimme Shelter” by Holy Soldier.
I make no apologies for the Soldier. This version is better than the Stones’ version, and I really don’t care about anyone else’s position on the matter.

“Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” by the Backstreet Boys.
Not gonna even try to defend this one. I have it. Deal with it. Stop smirking.

“If Only” by Hanson.
Okay, now I can see you shifting in your seat.

“Be with You” by Enrique Iglesias, “Verme” by Baby Ranks and Notch, and “Me Duele Amarte” by Reik.
The Latin American Division. Heterosexual white guys who play these songs in public know that the giggles and rolls of the eyes are coming, and are prepared for them. Besides, “Verme” and “Me Duele Amarte” are good opportunities to practice speaking Spanish.

“Heaven” by DJ Sammy.
Another cover that is superior to the original. Most people make fun of both. I appreciate both. Usually when I’m by myself.

“Man In the Mirror” by Michael Jackson.
So Jacko turned out to be a pedophile and a weirdo of the highest order. I feel that the work should be separate from the man. Still, it’s hard to play this one without the conversation automatically turning to MJ, and that’s never a good thing.

“Hide and Seek” by Imogen Heap.
“I love this song! Wait, you watch The OC?”
‘Um, noooooo. I heard it somewhere else.’
“Where?”
‘Let’s talk about something else.’

The iMixis ready and posted. I know that some of you, one way or another, will be acquiring some of these, so don’t even try to pull that mock-disapproval attitude with me. Don’t. Even. Try.

My Internet connection has been frustrating me all week.  This video, from Funny or Die, represents just one small reason why it’s so important to have reliable Internet access:

This past Saturday night, everyone in Buenos Aires moved their clocks ahead one hour. I managed to make it until tonight without realizing this.

I was wondering why everything seemed to be happening on time this week.